Just My Two Cents

I’ve neglected expressing myself lately in regards to social media, as I oftentimes wonder why I do it. If it means anything really, if it’s worth the investment, but regardless I feel the need to write, so today I found myself writing by clicking keys on my computer rather than etching in my journal.

It’s been on my heart this week, and it’s been heavy.

The realization, that despite all of our progressions, advancements, and discoveries our country has made the last several years, we are entering into a spiritual downfall.
A good friend said in one of her recent Humanity classes, that our current 21st century was referred to as the Post-Christian Era.

Specifically in regards to the Greene family and the recent conflict over Hobby Lobby. Should the government be given the right to FORCE a business small or large, to provide abortion care to their employees. The Green family, would defiantly respond with a convicted NO. But regardless, regardless of the Christian values to defend life that our country was based on, regardless of a babys right to live, the government doesn’t play by the rules anymore.

For many, this doesn’t seem like a large deal, bad things happen every day, unfortunate circumstances. But for me, this strikes me as Radical, this is a statement, a WARNING from our government that we better watch out, b/c they are not playing around. This is a screaming wakeup call to every Christian in this country that we cannot remain lukewarm, that we must know who we are, and what we are called to do, and we must use our voice. We must be a threat to the enemy, not a flimsy pushover. We must be warriors, we must be radical, we must not let the enemy take over our country.

When Green took a firm stand that abortion was not okay for his business and excercised his rights, the supreme Court ruled to charge him upards of 1.2 million dollars a day until he gives in. When did this became okay? When did America start leaning towards Socialism? Many of us feel taken advantage of and outraged when we have something taken from us, be it something as small as an Iphone, a diamond ring, a pair of shoes, our girlfriend/boyfriend. But the truth is our rights, our freedom, that EFFECTS EVERY ASPECT of our LIFE is being Robbed…quietly we are getting robbed blind.

I’ll Be honest, Im saddened, because I live in a generation of young people full of potential, ebbing over with ability, but many times choosing to be silent, choosing to color within the lines, choosing not to be aware of what is happening in our country. Choosing to neglect their own ability to influence and change this world.

Because I see that as of very recent our country has taken a drastic turn for the worst. The scariest part is we are unaware.

But what do we do with all of this? What difference can we really make? For me, I have recently put myself in Greens shoes, what would my life look like right now if I had to pay even a measly 200 dollars a day to the government, until I gave in.
It would be unbelievably heartbreaking and difficult.
Sounds like the “olden” “Ever-so-foreign” days of Shaddrack, Meshach, and Obendigo put in a fire to burn alive because they would not comply to the rules that went against their Lord and Savior. It may sound radical to some, but I see relevance.

We must stand up. Green, in my opinion has stood up for me when I wouldn’t be able to stand up for myself. Firstly, as a generous donor to Oral Roberts University, as well as many other organizaitons giving donations close to 100 million to bail out our university because he believed it created worldchangers. Secondly, is standing up to our government and using his voice using his platform as a way to stand up for life. He is making an impact that I wouldn’t be able too, because of his level of influence as well as the worth of his company in our economy. He’s causing ripples of awakening, hopefully of audacious faith. Of going to the battlefield with a shield to protect life, of both the unborn as well as each of our lives as Americans, against a government that is overstepping their boundaries.

If you feel compelled. Don’t just sit back and realize the depths of what is going on, but DO something. Because as we sleep about our “Busy” lives, the enemy is taking ground. What can you do? You tell me, what you can do to make a difference? How can each of us becoming more wise, more passionate, more audacious, more knowledgable, more courageous? The enemy came in not because of evil, but because Good people did absolutely nothing. Some have said Green should just comply by the laws of the land, which I disagree strongly with. Never do you compromise your beliefs for a law, regardless of what it is. God’s laws prevail.

I know if your willing to stand up and stand out, God will use you. For me, Its going to start with Prayer. Prayer for a family that is losing everything they’ve worked for right now, prayer for a country that is forgetting the God that has poured his favor out on. Prayer for leaders that don’t know the love of my Father. And prayer for every young person, that we would rise up, out of the lukewarm water, and pick up our sword, and use our voice to scream out that we are unafraid, we are bold, and we cannot be flimsy, preoccupied, uninformed, scared Christians.

Your welcome to join me, this week maybe give up one meal in defense of this trial,really really pray. I’ve seen many people older and wiser than me that believe in the tangibility and impact of prayer. Additionally, it’s a awakening for me yet again that our generation needs to wake up, be informed about what is going on in our country. WE HAVE TOO. If you don’t know what’s happening how can we make a difference, or stand up for our beliefs? What will you do when you are asked to give up your beliefs…will you?

If being a Christian is sitting in the back row, blending in, voicing our opinons but not doing anything to bring it to action, compromising our beliefs when things are hard…… if being a Christian is being a pushover and sitting back in fear I don’t want it. It wouldn’t be worth it.
But a radical voice, that stands up for justice, life and truth, that believes in things unseen, that believes God is their defense, that runs a business that donates resources to the kingdom of God and furthering good across the world, and raising leaders…. that is something that excites me, that makes me want to get behind that vision. Grateful for a man whose vision is not focused on this world, and does not conform, but takes a stand through a renewed mind, that has a heart that beats with passion for his Savior. Grateful for a modern day hero of the faith. I want to be like that.

Make us like the men of the bible, that would do anthing for the sake of their Savior, and what he stood for, that nothing mattered but furthering His message and making other disciples, many lost their lives for the sake of truth, knowing that this life wasn’t mean to be comfortable, easy, that we weren’t made to fit in, we were made to change the world. If nothing else, may the sacrifices the Green family are making inspire us and compell us to be audacious, that truth precedes money. That the value of Life precedes business. God let me learn from his example. Regardless of what others think. I admire the courage of the Greens, and my sincere prayer goes out to their familes as they fight the battle of their lives.

Rise up, oh you of Great courage, for you are being used by God in a mighty way.

Read the article:

http://www.familysecuritymatters.org/publications/detail/people-showed-their-support-for-hobby-lobby-now-facing-millions-in-fines-for-fighting-against-obamacare?f=news

http://www.forbes.com/sites/briansolomon/2012/09/18/david-green-the-biblical-billionaire-backing-the-evangelical-movement/

http://voicesofoklahoma.com/david_green.html

18th May 2012 | 4 notes

Mark.

(as told by Ali)

I didn’t even notice him as I sat at the table next to his friend whom I had met the week before. Most of the people at the shelter had left. Dinner was over and there were maybe 10 people left mulling around taking what was left of the toiletries and helping to throw trash away. Dinner had been put up and the dishes were being washed. As I talked with the friend, he stopped me and introduced me to Mark.

“He came in late, is there any way you can look in the kitchen to see if there is any food for him?” I looked over at Mark, his head down pretending he couldn’t hear. I told him I would gladly check, and found some beef stew left over. I heated it up in a cup and brought it out to him.

“Thank you so much,” he said gratefully. I told him I was glad to do it, and he quietly told me that he had been having a rough week. I hadn’t asked or thought to sit and talk with him, but his face wore the signs of fatigue and sadness. I sat across from him and asked him what was going on.

He began unraveling his story, and his life as of recent and how it has been dragging him down and binding him in slavery to addictions. He told me of how he had been an alcoholic since he was 13, and the week prior he had gone through a seven day drinking binge and wound up in the hospital that weekend, on the brink of a heart attack and dying. He retold of how he vividly remembered waking up and seeing 10 people in his hospital room standing around him, “waiting for him to die” as he put it. “And the most frustrating part of it all,” he said, “is that I got out of that hospital, knowing that that alcohol almost killed me, and the first thing I did was set out to find some more to get drunk again. And I thought, how f**kin’ stupid do I have to be to go out and get more of the very thing that almost just killed me?”
He shook his head in frustration, the stench of alcohol radiating from his breath as he sighed pitifully. Briauna was sitting next to me by this time, listening in and hearing his story alongside me. We started asking him questions and asking if he believed in God and asking him if we wanted to get rid of this addiction that was not only controlling his life, but also putting it at stake.

As we talked to him, tears began welling in his eyes. “I’m 44 years and here I am, an arrogant bastard, sitting across from 2 beautiful women and I am crying. I have never done this in my life. I can’t believe this, I am so embarrassed,” he said as he wiped his eyes. But he was exhausted. He didn’t try to suck it up and make the tears stop. He was weary and we told him that. We told him to stop trying. We told him to just allow himself to feel the weight of this burden and to let it catch up to him. And we prayed for him. We prayed for healing, and we spoke truth into him about who he is and who he was created to be from day one. We told him that God has been waiting since he was 13 years old for him to come to the broken point that he was at in that very moment. God had been waiting for him to just desire to be free and search for freedom, because He wanted Mark free more than Mark even wanted it for himself. As we prayed, he cried and more tears came and he allowed himself to hit rock bottom and be vulnerable and weak. He thanked us profusely and said he felt peaceful. We gave him a Bible and told him that every time he is tempted to drink again, to open up that book and God will speak to him. He took it gratefully and after a few more minutes of talking, he left. To walk back to his tent to sleep through the night.

Briauna and I drove home and just cried. God is so tender and kind, the way He draws His children back to Him. It is so hard when God gives you a piece of His heart for His broken people, because it is such a helpless feeling. All we could do was trust that God did something significant in His life that night.

The next week we were at the shelter throwing a birthday party for the homeless, and he showed up again. He hardly ever came to the shelter, and to see him there the next consecutive week made my heart leap. As the party went on, I would see him and each time he was with one of the volunteers that came to the project. He was crying and being prayed over and clearly seeking out more and more of God’s heart and love for him. He was so touched by God’s heart, and he was a beautiful emotional wreck. I was so glad to see that God was really bringing him through many years of pent up emotional baggage that he had never unpacked.

The day of our event came, and we were anticipating about 300 people. I had headed up the feet washing aspect of the event, and was nervous to see how everything would go; if the people coming to the event would be weirded out or upset at us washing their feet, etc. But maybe twenty minutes into us washing feet, I look down the row of volunteers talking and praying over the people they were washing the feet of, and I spotted him. Mark was at the very end, crying as a couple that came to volunteer took his feet and washed them. He began telling them his story, and the man across from him told him of how he had been an alcoholic for many years too, but God freed him. As soon as Mark heard this, he put his head down, and began weeping. The man and his wife laid hands on his head and began praying over him. It was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen.

And all I can go back to is the number 13. This was an addiction that had firmly rooted itself and took a hold of his life for 21 years. If anything sounds more hopeless than that, I’ve yet to hear it. But God has divine timing. And of all circumstances He chose to bring Mark to the light and to his knees, He used our project. He gave Two Cents the incredible privilege to be the source of the change in the course of Mark’s life. God didn’t have to do that.

But He did.

He allowed for Briauna and I to experience those beautiful moments and watch Him work nothing less than a miracle. I sit and marvel at this story, still attempting to wrap my mind around the hugeness of it.

And if anyone ever thinks they are too far gone for God’s redemption, well. Then they are going to get a pretty awesome slap in the face at some point in their life that directs their hearts to a holy reverence and fear of how huge and mighty God is. And that excites the crap out of me.

31st Mar 2012 | 2 notes

A Beautiful Mess: Ali’s Two Cents Worth

We set off downtown Indianapolis on a mission. Thirty minutes to walk the streets of downtown available, looking for an opportunity presented itself to see the world in a more compassionate and intentional way. But 25 minutes in and nothing seemed to happen, just the hustle and bustle of American’s carrying about their everyday life in and out of meetings, theaters showing the latest movies, tourists with cameras, taxi cabs whizzing by. But nothing out of the ordinary… until suddenly, across the street we spotted Nicole.

She was sitting against the side of the street meter paybox, a sonic cup in her hands with a piece of paper taped to it that read, “Hi, my name is Nicole. I am hungry. Anything helps. God bless you.” The i’s were dotted with little hearts and the handwriting was that of a teenage girl’s; loopy and large. She was wearing a fashionable hat and normal clothes. Her shoes were a bit tattered with a couple holes here and there and she seemed slightly overweight. She was sitting on top of two books she had brought along with her to the street corner. Downtown Indianapolis is a large and busy place for a young girl her age to be sitting alone on the corner asking for change.

“What’re ya doin’ over here?” Briauna asked her. Nicole stared blankly and meekly held up the cup for us to read.

“You’re hungry?” I asked. “How would you like to get food with us?”

“Ya time to get up off the floor girl, we’re going to be your new best friends.” Briauna took her cup and helped her up off the ground.

“It’s okay guys, you don’t need to do this,” she hesitated. “I don’t want you to have to take me along with you.”

We ignored her complaints and started up conversation with her. I noticed the two books she was sitting on in her hands, and the top one read Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul.

“You like these books?” I asked. “I read these all the time when I was growing up!” I was intrigued, because she seemed to be in her twenties; either our age or older.

“Ya, there are a lot of really good stories in here. It helps me a lot to read them.”

We went to Penn Station and we walked inside to buy her a sub. After telling me she didn’t want me to buy her a meal and after me insisting that she stop and just let me pay for her and after her finally consenting to it, she started asking me questions. It was interesting. It’s usually supposed to be the other way around.

Supposed to be.

As if there are rules and regulations and an agenda to get through when taking someone out to eat. Sometimes I disgust myself.

Anyways, she asked us how old we were, if Briauna and I were best friends, why we came here from AZ, where we went to school, what kind of girls we were in high school, why we do things like the thing we were doing for her. She was deep. And it caught me off guard. I liked her. She was only 19. On the streets. She wasn’t homeless, just hungry. Her boyfriend was in and out of a job, as far as I could understand, and while he went out doing whatever he did to make money, he sent her to the corner to panhandle. I asked if she could ever just go home for a while to get off the streets and stay with her family.

Family. This is something I am learning so easily wrecks a person’s life. She told me in vague detail that home was not a safe place to go to. She told us her mother is abusive and she didn’t want to be around that during her pregnancy. Nicole was pregnant. 19 and pregnant. It was abrupt and our hearts were hurting.

We got our food and went outside where Briauna was saving us a table. While we were inside, Briauna had been sitting at the table deep in thought and had a journal she brought with her hoping to find someone to give it too. While we were inside she felt like she was supposed to file the empty prayer journal with encouraging quotes that were specific to use in Nicole’s life. Nicole had left her books on the table, and Briauna noticed the second book she had been sitting on: Teen Pregnancy. The reality of her being young and pregranat was suddenly sinking in.

Nicole and I sat down with Briauna, and as we continued to eat and continued to talk, Nicole began opening up more and more to us. And boy, did she have an incredible heart.

She was living with her boyfriend. He is 37. “I’m not homeless.” She told us. “I am just hungry. David is in and out of a job so I come out here to panhandle so I can eat while he’s out.” My stomach started churning. “I can’t go home to eat. I don’t go around my mom. She was a really bad mom. I don’t tell people this, but she molested me all the time when I was little. She would bring me in and out of the house that she was seeing, and a lot of them raped me and sometimes her boyfriend would rape me. I have nightmares sometimes still; flashbacks of Sesame Street and Barney. These were the shows I watched every morning, and every morning is when this stuff happened to me. I’m sorry if I freaked you out… I usually don’t talk about this stuff but I feel like telling you.”

We were speechless. Tears welled in both our eyes. I glanced at Bri and she was in the same state:broken. Who could eat while listening to the reality of her life? What do you say to someone who has faced such dark, corrupt things her entire life? What do you say to a young girl who is pregnant with a child, which we find out isn’t even the child of the man she is living with but a different guy? What do you say to someone who has experienced something so much deeper than you will ever understand? This is what we came for: to care for the broken. But it is all so much deeper than we were anticipating. The heart of the Father is so deep and passionate, and when He gives you a piece of His heart, you feel deeply too. And it hurts.

I looked her in the eyes and just shook my head. “You are incredible.” She looked down. “I’m serious,” I said, “I see such a huge heart in you. You love so well. I cannot understand how you could possibly go through such traumatic experiences and come out the way you did. You realize this isn’t normal right? you have so much of the Lord in you. It doesn’t make any sense that you would be able to love so well in any other way. I am blown away by you.” Briauna shared with her that her heart was courageous. That the plans for her life were signficantly great judging by the way she handled the tragic things in her life. That God takes the open wounds of our lives and makes them Scars to share a story with others to influence others. She shared with us that she had called her mom and forgiven her. That she wanted to be an overcomer, not a victim.

She smiled and agreed that the Lord has been the only thing getting her through. “I am so excited for my child,” she said. “I just can’t wait to have a baby that I can just love, and lovewell. I want to love this baby so it grows up experiencing something I never got to experience.”

Who is this girl?? It was baffling. The depths of her heart were difficult to comprehend. She had something in her that could not be explained by her life or her story. It was so much bigger.

We continued to speak what God was actively putting on our hearts and and just encouraged her to be the woman that God created her to be, and to never forget that her value comes from the obvious presence of God in her life. That the love she had was greater than our comprehension, was clearly not normal, and came only from the Lord.

We left the restaurant and walked to a grassy field near my car. We asked if we could pray with her and she eagerly agreed.

“Could you please pray that I will continue to remember who I am and that I am above and not below; that I am a victor and not a victim?” We stared blankly at her. She put to words what we couldn’t. Of course we would. “Also,” she hesitated. “Could you just pray for David? Just pray that he controls his anger and that God would take the stress out of his life so he doesn’t get as mad.”

We began to pray for the next ten minutes for this incredible young woman. The effect that those 2 hours had on our day was surpassing many hundreds of other days in our lives. We finished, and Briauna handed her the journal. She told me later all the encouragement the Lord had given her to write down for Nicole had been spot on with most of the stuff Nichole had told us she was dealing with and going through, and she was excited for her to be impacted by it.

“Are you girls angels?” she had asked. “I swear you are. I had been praying for the longest time for a sign from the Lord and you girls just showed up.”

We laughed. Not angels, no. Just two young women who decided to take a step of faith and have eyes to see downtown Indianapolis in the way the Father might see it.

We are called to greatness, as are you. You and your abilities aren’t meant to be enjoyed by only you and a select few; the Lord equipped you to do great things that you couldn’t do on your own. He equipped you to affect people and change lives. This isn’t just a special, crazy story, though we will never forget it. This is the kind of stuff that is waiting to happen in each of your lives. You have to choose it. Don’t choose to be negligent to others circumstances. Choose to face it, and don’t assume you wouldn’t be able to help. The truth is, you can make a difference, it doesn’t have to be glamorous. It doesn’t even have to take much effort. When your heart hurts for the hurting. Let it hurt for a second, and then choose to take Action. The question is, will you seek out the beauty in the mess of others life even when it costs you something? You have much to offer, and sometimes it’s not enough to just feel sorry and continue walking by. Ignorance is not bliss. Ignorance is Selfish. We’ve all been ignorant and felt helpless at one point or another…and that’s okay, but for us it is time to change. The truth is sometimes love requires Action.

24th Mar 2012 | 1 note

Journey

You never really know what you are signing up for when you decide to live the grand adventure and hand over the keys to your car. There is much to say but for now I’ll start with the mission we are on right now here in Indianapolis. Here’s the short version highlights.

-One year ago visited friends & family back here & headed downtown. Noticed hundreds of homeless in the bitter bitter winter. Felt compelled all year to DO something.

-Had our 2nd official project on Christmas day in Phoenix. Realized, this isn’t just a season of my life, I need to be thinking Big Picture, Long term.

-Last semesterrealized I was going to take a semester to focus on Two Cents, to see if this is something I would want to get my degree in for.

-January was finally able to see what doors opened if I were to “Dream Big” and researched the possibility of moving for the semester. This included me writing a list of what would “HAVE TO” happen for me to go. Including having someone to run this race alongside me.

-Febuary, Met Ali Conrad. Fearless. Radical. Ready. The long and short is, I stepped out and asked her how she’d feel about moving to Indianapolis to do homeless outreach through her blog. She said Yes.

-Worked our butts off fundraising, Ali resigned from her Job. Had a place to live, a Job opportunity lined up, a network to connnect with. By March we hit the road.

-Had People who believed in the mission of Two Cents be willing to contribute in different ways.

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Ever since.

-On the way here, carpooled with the Michael Gungor Band, so we didn’t have to drive at 2am on the roads alone. Which was a big deal to our cute mothers.

-Stayed with dear dear friends across the country that I have wanted so many of my friends in AZ to meet!

-Stopped at IHOP in Kansas City. Always Wanted to do that.

_____________________________________________________________________

We had a few connections here and there, but essentially have started Indianapolis with a blank canvas. Unsure of how our 3rd official project would look like. We had an idea of what we could do but wanted to be effective not just do social work. So we set out meeting with Shelters, asking what the needs were, how we could partner alongside them to enhance what they have going, and be a breath of fresh air in their own lives.

After having a meeting that wasn’t exactly what we were looking for, we got a call…OUT OF NOWHERE from a shelter that was on the exact same page as us 100% they communicated to us their desire to partner with us. Apparently, I had contacted them 2 months back which I vaguely remember. They work with the chronically homeless, the ones in desperate need. They said unless God shows up in their lives they have no hope. That excited me.

The interesting thing, was after my last project I decided I really wanted this time around to have an aspect of long term solutions, that go outside what I am able to offer. Solutions like offering services like drug rehab facilities, churches, job opportunities, social security, birth certificate verification etc. Well this group specializes in all of those services. They’ve started a network of partnerships with various vendors working alongside them, they have 4 warehouses they recently purchased for the purpose of PARTNERING and creating a “mall-of-sorts” for the homeless to get all of their needs met.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. They immediatetly offered their facilities for our use, telling us they had a banquet hall that seats 250-400 homeless, a kitchen for the food, a ministry team that would want to help, and a list full of connections they wanted to share with us. Inside I was freaking out hearing this because I couldnt’ believe what a perfect match this was. Never, has it been so obvious to me that we are supposed to partner with someone. The director looked at Ali and I and said, you have the same vision I had when I started this, exact you are 30 years younger than I was when I started mine. Him and his partner Gene had almost the exact same story on how they met as Ali & I which is a bit ridiculous if you ask me.

The final straw for me, was when I told them ” Alright, well lastly, this is something I have wanted to do since I started this..you might think I’m crazy, and I don’t know how it would happen but I want to wash their feet and give them a new pair of shoes.”

They both started laughing…yes LAUGHING at me…I glanced back and forth at both of them and had a puzzled look on my face.

They said that is something they’ve wanted to do, and are totally supportive of and have connections with Samaritans Feet they wanted to share with you.

Can we just recap on how Samaritans Feet has been one of my top favorite organizations on earth since I started this? I asked where the headquarters were, and they told me they had connections with them in Indianapolis. ah.

So we have a date, and we have a place, and we have a partnership, and we are starting to see something beautiful painted on our blank canvas. The location is always the most difficult part to figure out, I love that we are 1 week into it, and know where it’s going to be, when it’s going to be, and have a calendar thats filling up with meetings.

This journey of Two Cents has been one of the most faith-building things I’ve been through and we are just getting started.

23rd Mar 2012

Courage: To Walk Through the Door

I’ve been fearful, yes fearful of this moment. Opening up my heart to people outside of my close group of dear people I trust deeply. May sound silly to some, but it’s a big deal in my life.

Things have happened in such a way lately…where I’ve thought “Is this happening only for me?” or is there bigger reasons this crazy crap is hitting the fan, for people to be effected outside of what I can control?

Control is a comforting thing, it allows you to have a say in what happens in your life. But after a unexpectedly impacting conversation tonight, I realized as a culture, we allow ourselves to be controlled, and to be controlling over circumstances, people, and our plans because we don’t want to be rejected, and we want to have a say in things. It’s exhausting. Taking down, and putting up walls. I don’t want to have control, or be controlled…I just need to surrender. I have nothing to hide.

Im opening this up unsure of the results, I’ve come to terms with the fact, people may not read this, may not respond to this, may not care. And thats okay. I am not writing this to gain approval. I’m in a place where I don’t genuinely have the time to fill in every sweet soul in my life, on the major things happening in this new season, but they are things that are changing me, making me into who I will become. They are significant. If to no one else but me, I need to rememeber and be reminded of these things. So, I’m writing this as a gentle invitation into my life and the adventure my life is on right now. I believe God has given us each something signficant to offer to others. I rant about it all the time. “You were born with something significant to offer! The purposes of your life are unique to the giftings you posess.” But God, Yeah, if you know Him, You know He’s a funny man. Always making us practice what we preach in ironic ways.

Well that’s where I’m at, I’ve wanted a say on what people learn about me, or don’t learn about me. I’ve always wanted to be influential, to make an impact, but I have never wanted to be that person thats pouring out juicy details on a freaking blog post, that some may read some may not. It’s been on my mind a lot, I’ve gone back and forth, well tonight. A friend told me how she blogged through her struggle with Cancer, and a woman who passed away this week from cancer, had read her blog and followed it day by day and it radically lifted her perspective and the weight of her struggle.

The people who know me well will attest to the fact, I love people, and I love a chance to bring hope, and life to others. Whether it’s through my mistakes or the good things that happen, I want to be available to be used in another’s life in ways I may or may not expect.

All that to say, I’m writing this so that it may or may not play a role in your life, and you may be impacted by the highs and lows of this adventure God has me on, specifically relating to Two Cents Project. There have been one too many RADICAL things that have happened since this all began, it’s about time people got a little glimpse of who God is in relation to all this.

I am on a mission, pursuing what I believe God has purposed for me right now. I have stepped out, and am in the process of turning it into action. I want to have the courage to walk through doors, even if they a big, and intimidating and uncomfortable, I would rather be willing and scared then safe and stubborn. I have little to offer, possibly just literally Two Cents in my pocket. But I’m stepping out trusting and backing words I myself have said many times, that He wants to take the little-nothing of our life and turn it into something grand. I am the widow with two cents in her pocket, little to offer, believe in someone who has a lot to GIVE.

And this is my attempt to see that lived out for REAL. If need be, I’ll be the first batter to take a swing at the ball being pitched. I’m really not wanting to post this. But I am going too. So When I strike out, and when I hit a homerun, I want you to be invited on this journey. Because each of us has something to offer to eachother. So Whether I’m ready or not, Here it comes.

Here We Stand our hearts are Yours God, Not our will but Yours be done.

6th Oct 2011

Not Like You.

I don’t want a relationship that looks like yours. I don’t want the same thing you got. I want different. I want my own. It’s not any better than yours, it’s just different than yours. I don’t want to go through the motions, because you do. I want to know it for myself, figure it for myself. He loves me in a way only He can, and I want to love Him in a way only I can. I don’t want to speak like you do, because it’s what I hear. I want to speak on my own, because it’s the message engraved on my heart. I may be hesitating in giving 100% , but once I do… I’m in it to win it. There is no turning back. There will be no turning back.

I want real. I want raw. I want truth. and I want to believe it with everything in me.

I believe in the dreams engraved on our hearts. I believe in the Maker of the dreams, and the dream giver. I don’t believe in settling for the watered down “almost” version. I believe in the concentrated purity of the dream on your heart, regardless of the depth or naivety of it. You dreamt things up, and they became. I want to be like You. I have faith to ask for things that I have never seen, and I believe they will happen because I had faith in You to ask. It isn’t the amount of faith you posses, it’s the location of where your faith is planted that matters most.

Any droplet of doubt in me is because I am afraid. Afraid to hope for fear of devastation & disappointment. But fear stunts the growth of hope in me. Take out any seeds of doubt. Doubt has no place when I’m with You. When I’m with my need for answers ceases, I can just BE, and know, that you are what I was made for. My heart is searching..searching desperately…for You. Come a little closer, I want to see you, I need to feel you close to me. You’re presence outshines the shadows of doubt in my being. I want to see you. I really do need to see you.

There is something inside bubbling up like wine skins bursting off a bottle, I cannot hold it back, it’s a rushing current that will blow through the dammed walls in my brick heart, and overtake everything that it posesses. I believe this to be passion, passion for You that stirs and overtakes. I can feel it, but I’m not sure when it will overtake me.

“Here tonight while the stars are blacking out,

with every hope and dream I’ve ever had in doubt,

I spent ten years trying to sing these doubts away,

but the water keeps on falling from my eyes…”

-Foreman

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7M-_sZIh2cQ

3rd Oct 2011 | 3 notes

United Pursuit Band

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Learning to let go & Loosen my grip. Learning to be weak. Learning to Trust when my head is swarming with doubts, and my hands are shaking in fear. Taking my hand out of the jar and letting Him work it out. He’s the only one I’d take this risk on.

I’m getting out of the driver seat, because I don’t know where I’m going.

He knows.

(via hannios-deactivated20111009)